


Doing It Wrong

by nyoungcat0913



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: M/M, Pining, is it angst, maybe it is, sorry fellas no smut but maybe just a tinge of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 05:05:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16591370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyoungcat0913/pseuds/nyoungcat0913
Summary: "We live in a generation of not being in love and not being together. But we sure make it feel like we're together, cuz we scared to see each other with somebody else." - Doing It Wrong by Drake





	Doing It Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed work. Wrote this on my phone and my fingers just won't stop and now I'm too sleepy to proof read by myself. 
> 
> Inspired by the lyrics in the summary not the whole song cuz it would hurt too much I base the fic off of that. And I wasn't in the mood to do that to myself

Unknown force. That is what drove them together, and is what drove them apart from each other. An unknown force that they can't quite explain and might as well never be able to. Though uncertain, Jaebeom and Jinyoung held on to that force and stayed together throughout all these years. They've learned to give way, to separate when they need to, and stick to each other when they must. They honed this force together for their relationship work. A relationship that many have aspired to have. Whether in love or in friendship, a lot of people see them as the pillar of what makes a bond a strong one. But Jaebeom and Jinyoung are still learning. About each other and how to cope with one another. It's rare that they clash and even rarer that they become destructive to one another. And although rare, they do happen. And it's those who surrounds them who were unfortunate enough to witness JJ Project's seemingly perfect relationship crumble.

If one should pinpoint the exact time where the cracks starts to show, one would say it started happening since fate brought them together. A facade that they silently agreed upon. They were too different, acted too differently, saw the world differently, and faced it just as differently. Try as they must, they are polar opposites who shouldn't meet. The North and South Pole. The sun and the moon. But some would argue that these very difference is what makes them strong. They know how to pardon, they know when to give and when to receive. In actuality, Jaebeom and Jinyoung are both. The cracks were always there, but they know how to cover them when they need to.

But reality is harsh. Cracks don't fade, and if given the right amount of force, they could widen, they could cause a crumble. And crumble is what they did. It was slow, it was the result of years of being unable to speak the truth, of ignoring feelings that should not be ignored. These cracks remained stagnant for far too long that when they tear, they were painful, they were ugly. And everyone around them saw all of that crash.

*******

JINYOUNG

He remembers it so vividly, the first time he's ever laid eyes on Im Jaebeom. He almost immediately felt drawn to him, the moment their eyes met as JYPE staff decided to pair them up for the auditions, there was a spark that Jinyoung could not deny. The first time they spoke, he could feel his breath hitch, how can someone be this beautiful? He initially thought. Jaebeom made him feel determined to be here, to stand on stage and face the crowd with a smile on his face and slickness of his moves. Though performing is his own dream, Jaebeom almost immediately inspired him to be better. He worked just as hard, practiced just as long as Jaebeom did. He aspired to be as beautiful as the young man before him. Jinyoung aspired to stay by this person's side for as long as he could. And what Jinyoung did not know at the time was fate had the same idea. And while they both worked hard, the wheels of fate is turning at an unbelievable pace. They won together, trained together, and eventually, debut together.

But it wasn't all rainbows and butterflies, Jinyoung soon learned how completely different Jaebeom was. He saw how temperamental he was, that it wouldn't take much to piss him off. He felt how distant Jaebeom was to him but what could he do? There was nothing. They're bound to stick together for as long as they could so Jinyoung made an effort to be less annoying, step back when he needs to, and keep his feelings constantly in check. His feelings though, grew bigger and stronger. From a simple admiration, Jinyoung watched as his feelings grew to something more dangerous. Something that he needs to constantly control and it exhausts him. To pretend as if he was just the same old Jinyoungie who got excited about everything just because they were new, to act as if everything but Jaebeom inspires him. And it's because of this that Jinyoung honed his skills in acting. He learned and mastered the art of pretending because that was what allowed him to stand so close to the enigma that is Im Jaebeom.

Jinyoung was not prepared though, because fate was cruel and heartless. Fate gave them all this time only to fail miserably, to fall flat on their face withoutnany certainty that they will ever get back up from this. It was when the company's management told them they were breaking up with Jaebeom slated to debut with a group sometime soon and Jinyoung is left with the shadow of uncertainty. His future rests in the unknown. He feigned a smile at the time as Jaebeom watches him, slack jawed and so afraid, which was the first time he's ever seen him. Jinyoung smiles and congratulates the other, saying things like "I know you'll do well hyung!" and "wow! You'll be leading more people now!" But as soon as he went home, he laid on his bed and cried himself to sleep.

Their separation didn't take long though, when management sat Jinyoung down in a small room and told him he'll be rejoining with Jaebeom to debut with a group if 7 members. He was happy, too happy for any normal person to feel in that situation. Not only does he even have a future, he'll be spending it with Jaebeom. But he came back a different person. He kept to himself more, a little less excited about everything, and was content to stand in the corner watching Jaebeom's back as he leads. "You seem different." Jaebeom had pointed out at one point and the only answer he could offer was, "Jackson has enough excitement for all of us, don't you think?" And the other never mentioned it again. Despite the fear in his heart to fail again, GOT7 blossomed into a group loved by the world. They were constantly working to become better versions of themselves, honed skills in and outside of the group activities, all the while keeping their bond as strong as they can. And all these years, Jinyoung would have thought his feelings for Jaebeom would dull. But Jaebeom confides with him more, turns to him whenever he feels troubled. And in a group filled with 7 people, Jaebeom still chose to be by his side.

He held Jinyoung's hand one time and smiled. Nothing else. It puzzled him but decided to leave it as just a friendly gesture of gratitude. The second time Jaebeom held his hand was under hazy eyes, a shaky breath that smells like one sojus too many. It was also the first time Jaebeom had ever shown a hint of something more than just a teammate, or a friend, when their lips clashed for the first time, hot and nervous at the same time. "Jinyoung-ah, stay." He mutters under heated breath, the room dark with just Jaebeom's desk lamp to light them and Jinyoung watches the other's shadows under low luminance moving as he pushes him softly on the floor, resting Jinyoung's legs in between his own amd kisses him again with growing passion and lust. Jinyoung lets him though, a mistake he knew he and Jaebeom had to live with when this moment ends because he wasn't drunk enough to make bad decisions but he pretends he was. The only good thing he thought he has. He lets Jaebeom's fingers wander, his mouth exploring parts of Jinyoung rarely anyone can see. Their breathing becomes heavier with each touch, with each fluttering kiss, with every piece of clothing removed. That night Jinyoung lets his feelings, whatever they are anymore, to come out in the open. Lets it slip as their skin clashes with one another, as their bodies connect. Jinyoung pretends that Jaebeom feels the same, that he wasn't some other fuck like all the other one's are and he bites the skin on Jaebeom's shoulder with just enough force to leave a mark and mentally notes that tonight, this is all his. Tonight, Jaebeom belongs only to him. Jinyoung wakes up the following morning with an aching body and a deeply engrained memory that he decides to treasure all by himself and when Jaebeom pulls him to the side after breakfast, asking him to forget everything that had transpired between them, Jinyoung goes back to pretending and assures Jaebeom nobody else would know.

And just like all the other one night stands, Jinyoung believes that it was just that. But Jaebeom kept coming back with eyes heavy with lust and hands eager to explore. Jinyoung lets him because it's also what he wants, allows Jaebeom to push him against anything, kiss and touch wherever he pleases. Jinyoung would whisper words in his mind, pretending that Jaebeom could hear. In those nights Jaebeom belongs to him, every other ones though, Jinyoung belongs to Jaebeom. But the pretending becomes too much when left unchecked, and eventually Jinyoung unfolds. He confided in Jackson, the member next to Jaebeom whom he would entrust his life with and Jackson understands and Jackson being Jackson, he held him close until he stops sobbing in his arms, until his mind is finally at peace enough to let him rest. His newfound freedom was hindered though by Jaebeom's sudden change. He became distant, and in nights where Jinyoung wants him close, Jaebeom denies him and so he's left alone in his room with nothing but lonely moans and memories.

*******

JAEBEOM 

The first time he met Jinyoung, the boy was too determined, too excited, too eager to be somebody and Jaebeom finds it quite endearing. So he lets Jinyoung lead him, lets the other make him see things he's never seen before and he admires the positivity oozing out of him. When they debuted as JJ Project, he allows Jinyoung to control the fun, watches and follows the younger boy and mirrors his enthusiasm. But sometimes Jaebeom finds it hard to keep up so he snaps and backs Jinyoung into a corner of silence and Jaebeom would almost always regret it. But he finds their relationship doesn't need apologies over simple misunderstandings and so he doesn't. Even during the time he finds Jinyoung unbearably annoying without actually knowing a reason, he still refuses to apologize. But Jinyoung being as he is, comes running back to him. As far as Jaebeom is concerned, Jinyoung has always been a force to be reckoned with. Blessed with natural talent and looks plus hard work to boot, Jaebeom thinks the boy is perfection personified. But years of being together proves that he isn't, and neither does Jaebeom. Jinyoung is stubborn and would sometimes mess with Jaebeom just to spite him and having not learned how to control his anger, he gives in. But time with Jinyoung felt precious, and Jaebeom could see just how much fate understands them, understands how well they fit each other like a puzzle piece.

But the pieces were shattered when they were forced to part ways. He swallows the tears back because that was what's expected of him as a leader, to take it all on. But when the moment arrived that he was no longer allowed to lead Jinyoung he was stuck in a rut and could only watch as Jinyoung's expression stumble in a flash before it was replaced by a smile so fake and disgusting to him though he wasn't able to look away. Their ride home was ridden with an awkward silence with Jinyoung attempting to talk about anything other than their reality and Jaebeom could feel all that was wrong, he finally saw Jinyoung for who he was. A person who is so good at pretending, someone who Jaebeom knows would not let anybody see him crumble. He watches the boy as he walks silently marching towards his bedroom with a decided thud. He stands in the empty living room for a while before finally walking towards Jinyoung's bedroom and before he could attempt to knock on the other's door, he heard faint cries and Jaebeom's body stood frozen in place, his hands decided to shake, heart pounding as if trying to reach out to Jinyoung and hold him close. But Jaebeom did not move, he knelt silently in front of the younger's bedroom door and cried until his eyes dried out.

Jaebeom decided to focus on his studies after that, working hard to improve himself, distracts himself from remembering the night Jinyoung cried himself to sleep. He wasn't able to see the other for weeks and months as he busied himself with the training. Soon, he found himself face to face with Jinyoung once more. The voice of the staff member telling them he's their newest member fading in to the background and all he could focus on was Jinyoung who, for some reason, seemed alien to him. He was different, he wasn't the overly eager Jinyoung he used to know, wasn't the Jinyoung who never shies away from the spotlight. This Jinyoung was different, more calm and collected, makes jokes only when he needs to, silently takes care of the other members in support to him. He was a more mature Jinyoung, one he can confide in when everything feels too overwhelming.

But Jinyoung wasn't the only one changing for Jaebeom is also going through the change, subtle as they are. He found Jinyoung's touch to feel warmer, like a place he could always come back to, Jinyoung started to feel more like home. He held the other's hand one time just to make sure he stays grounded, and despite Jinyoung's initial confusion, he squeezes them tight and he smiles, that same reassuring smile as if to tell him I'm always by your side, hyung. And Jaebeom could feel the wheels of change turning once more when he started seeking out Jinyoung's warmth and in one particular drunken stupor, he lays it all out. He nuzzles to the corner of Jinyoung's neck and shoulder and he could feel the other's warmth, could feel his shaky breath underneath him, he smells like sweat and cologne, one that Jaebeom will never get tired of smelling. He records Jinyoung's deep moans, his skin drenched in sweat, the fullness of their bodies as they connect in the empty spaces of his mind only to come back for more. And their dynamic changes from then on as Jaebeom seeks Jinyoung out and despite the knowing smiles on the other member's faces, Jaebeom never says a word. After all, two can play at this game of pretend.

One particular night, Jaebeom watches Jinyoung while he sleeps. Eyes tracing every curves and edges of his face and smiles to himself, a hand gently hovering over Jinyoung tracing his favorite parts and whispering "mine". He smiles at the thought of having Jinyoung to himself and decides that he belongs to the young man sleeping in front of him. But his happiness was shortlived when he heard faint sobs coming from Jackson's room and when he takes a peek, his heart sunk. He sees Jinyoung, eyes and cheeks filled with tears muttering Jaebeom's name and Jackson just holds him close, and for once, he never spoke a word. And at that moment, Jaebeom knew, that he was too selfish to think that Jinyoung was ever his. Because Jinyoung doesn't belong to anyone but his own. He had caused the one person most dear to him a great deal of pain and if distance is what they need, then distance is what they should have. And so Jaebeom steps back from Jinyoung's life and even when the younger boy seeks him out, he doesn't waver. Despite wanting to hold the other close and not let go, he doesn't waver because he knows that this is what they both need.

********

JACKSON

Jackson is pissed. To watch everything unfold before him and be unable to step in and help and he decided that all of this sucks. He watched two figures turn at each other's direction whenever the other isn't looking, watched their hearts shatter into pieces because of their inability to admit to their feelings, watch the cracks of their relationship widen and crumble into dust. Jaebeom confided in him because of his confusion only to tell him to forget about it in the end, only to find him running away from his situation rather than towards it. He held Jinyoung as he unravels, years of pent up feelings being brought to light, words that he realized has always been there at the forefront of this mess, only to find him frustrated to no end leaving him to doubt his own feelings.

And Jackson is tired of it. Especially one particular afternoon at a dressing room, all 7 of them minding their own business, fumbling through phones, talking to the staff or sleeping, Drake blasting in one of their speakers singing something about untold feelings and Jackson watches the two of them silently at a corner. Jaebeom complaining about sore muscles in his shoulder and Jinyoung offering to massage them only to be rudely rejected. Jackson holds his breath, expecting Jinyoung not to fight back like he always does but not one of them thought that this day was going to be different. Because all the things that was happening since day 1 imploded right in all of their faces when Jinyoung asks "what did I ever do to you, hyung?" There was a brief silence, between the two of them and everyone else in the room, then Jaebeom snaps, raising his voice for everyone to hear. "Because you wouldn't leave me the fuck alone, Jinyoung! I wish you stayed out of my life so I can at least, for once, have some peace and quiet!" Jackson calls the bluff because he could see Jaebeom's eyes wavering with every word that comes out of his mouth and he hopes Jinyoung could see it too. And when he turns his gaze to Jinyoung, he was caught off guard to find the tears filling his eyes to the brim and he dashes away from Jaebeom, and everyone else. Jaebeom, breath heavy and eyes stinging with his own tears, slams the door to the bathroom behind him and everything became unbearably quiet after that.

Jackson makes a frustrated sound and everyone's gaze turns towards him. "You know, things wouldn't be like this if people were just being fucking honest." He stands up, knowing that it will be difficult to talk to Jaebeom at this time, runs off to find Jinyoung. He finds him a few minutes later hiding in the building's staircase that serves as a fire exit, sobbing uncontrollably head buried in his arms. "Jinyoungie..." Jackson calls as he sits down next to the other boy. "He's right." Jinyoung starts in between his sobs, "I should've just stayed away from his life. But it wasn't my fault we're stuck together like this in the first place." "He doesn't mean that" Jackson says, thumb rubbing circles at Jinyoung's back in an attempt to calm him down. "Why do you think so?" Jinyoung was still sobbing, still not meeting Jackson's gaze and he could understand the humiliation he must've felt having said those words in front of everyone by the very person you love. "Because his eyes were faltering. Because he fucking sucks at being honest. And also because he was crying when he saw you leave." Jinyoung scoffs at this, "please don't say that just to make me feel better." "I wasn't."

"I love him so fucking much."  
"I know."

********

It was the night after the whole fiasco and despite everyone putting it all behind them in exchange of focusing on their task, things are really not so well. Everyone was silently worrying about GOT7's future with their pillars crumbling right in front of them and Jackson decided to try and fix things first with Jaebeom. He finds their leader sitting at the dorm's balcony overlooking the city. He hands him a can of beer and sits quietly beside him taking a swig from his own. They were quiet for a few moments when Jaebeom finally rids them of the silence. "How is Jinyoung?" Jackson hums, still looking at the city below, "why don't you go ask him yourself, hyung?" Jaebeom gulps down more of his beer and says, "you saw the look on his face, Jack. I hurt him bad. I'd be surprised if he ever forgives me after this." Jackson turns to meet Jaebeom's gaze and smiles reassuringly, "he'll forgive you."

"How do you know that?" Jaebeom asks.  
"Because you're Im Jaebeom. So go ahead and try talking to him." Jackson stands up and pats Jaebeom in the back before finally leaving him to his thoughts.

********

It was nerve wracking having to stand in front of Jinyoung's room that night doubting whether he should knock on the door. Despite the tinge of courage the beer Jackson gave him earlier offered him, Jaebeom could feel himself waver. He was in the middle of a breathing exercise when an exhausted sigh appeared behind him along with a clenched fist that started loudly pounding on Jinyoung's door. Jaebeom's head whipped to find an unimpressed Youngjae staring at him and as he was about to say something, Jinyoung's door swings open. The sight distracted him from anything, the redness of Jinyoung's eyes and nose from all the crying he was doing since they got home, dried up tears staining his flushed cheeks, Jaebeom could already feel himself wavering. "Fix this." Youngjae mutters from behind him before closing the door of his own room. Jinyoung stood awkwardly by the door as if waiting for Jaebeom to say something but when he realized he wasn't going to say something, he motions to close the door.

"Wait, Jinyoung, please." Jinyoung pauses and turns back and waited and Jaebeom wonders how can anyone be this patient with him. "I'm sorry." He says too quiet from what he was aiming for. "I'm sorry for everything I said. I didn't mean any of that, Jinyoung. I..." he pauses as if finding the right words and then sighs, "I have no excuse. I just fucked things up between us." Jaebeom's admission to his wrongdoing was met with silence and he could honestly understand if Jinyoung doesn't forgive him but instead, he was suddenly engulfed by a warmth that he had always sought subconsciously. Why would Jinyoung be holding him like this? He doesn't understand the action but doesn't pull away from it. Instead, he holds Jinyoung, so close as if he couldn't be close enough even though there is not a hint of space between them. They were both silent, both refusing to let the other go, and Jinyoung breaks the silence. "I love you, Jaebeom hyung. I always have, and always will be." Jaebeom freezes at the sudden confession and Jinyoung continues, "I'll do anything to make you happy, and I'll walk away if I must." Jaebeom grips the other's shirt tighter and shakes his head, "no. Jinyoung. Stay." And Jaebeom held onto his own words. "Stay. Don't leave me. I love you too."

At that moment, all the years of being unable to pinpoint what it was they were both feeling is suddenly being pushed towards the light. And in that moment, they also knew, that honesty can get them a long way.

**Author's Note:**

> If you've read some of my other stories, you'll find that this is the type of fic I always write. The ones that hurt. LMAO. But I'm working on something different and hopefully, I can post them soon. Actually I might put the first 3 chapters up just to see if you guys want me to continue with it. But that all depends on my mood. LOL.
> 
> Leave kudos and comments! I'd like to hear from you.


End file.
